Facing the Music And Living To Talk About It Page 7
You may discover, as I did, that the harder you work to build your strengths, the more great opportunities will come your way, one right after the other—or even at the same time. When the Disney Channel held auditions for its “All New Mickey Mouse Club” television show produced in Orlando, I tried out. The competition for these roles was always fierce. A few names you might recognize among the other talented kids who auditioned for the show during its run from 1989 to 1995 are: Britney Spears, Jessica Simpson, Ryan Gosling, Christina Aguilera, Keri Russell and future ‘N Sync stars Justin Timberlake and J.C. Chasez.
I was not only invited back for the final round of auditions for the Disney series, but another life-changing opportunity arose then, too. I learned that auditions were being held for a boy band like New Edition. An Orlando-based businessman, who just happens to be the cousin of one of my mom’s favorite singers, Art Garfunkel, was behind the venture. When I heard about that connection I wondered if all those hours of singing “Bridge Over Trouble Waters” were about to pay off.
This successful entrepreneur, Lou Pearlman, had hired talent scouts to put ads in area newspapers and various entertainment-industry trade journals. Although the ads stated that his organization was looking for guys between the ages of 16 and 19, we figured it was worth a shot. They’d been conducting auditions for a couple of weeks at Pearlman’s mansion, but they decided to move the screening process to a bigger venue. Pearlman, who was also in the air charter business, owned an aircraft-parts warehouse, which is where the later auditions were ultimately held. I was the first to audition in the new location, which had just the sort of acoustics you’d expect of a warehouse—not good at all.
Still, my audition went well enough that Pearlman had a long talk with my mom. He spoke about what they were looking for and the extent of the work involved. He explained that there would be long hours of rehearsing and touring and that it would be pretty demanding. During that conversation, Mom mentioned that I’d been invited back for the final auditions of “The All New Mickey Mouse Club.” I don’t know if she also mentioned that Disney had actually made a concrete offer in the amount of $50,000 for me to join the cast.
When we left, Mom told Lou that she and I would have to talk it all over. Since we didn’t commit right away, Lou’s team picked another guy as their top choice for the group. It was a good thing I didn’t know about that, because when Mom and I talked that evening about which opportunity I wanted more, I told her I preferred to give the band a try.
Lucky for me, the other guy Lou’s team had chosen backed out. Pearlman called a few days later and asked Mom if we were interested in joining his project. We said yes without realizing how close we’d come to missing the boat.
WORKING FOR YOURSELF
When I was selected to join the Backstreet Boys, I felt like I’d won the lottery. This was an opportunity perfectly matched for my strengths. But keep in mind that I put myself in a good position to jump on that opportunity by developing my skills; finding good mentors, teachers and role models; listening to them; and working my butt off in practices and rehearsals, all while being on the lookout for ways to showcase my talents.
It’s just like I said before: I was lucky, no doubt about it. But I was also ready to rock when luck arrived.
You need to prepare yourself, too. I’d been working since the age of eight to become what some people thought was an overnight success. You can’t wait for the world to discover your talents. It’s up to you to make people see and respond to those talents. You are responsible for your own success, happiness and fulfillment. Once you’ve identified your strengths and are committed to developing them, you then must find ways to motivate yourself to reach as high as you can. Again, it’s all up to you. The quality of the decisions you make will determine the quality of your life.
BUT I WAS ALSO READY TO ROCK WHEN LUCK ARRIVED.
Why is identifying your talents, developing them and building your life around them so important? Because once we do those things for ourselves, we are no longer dependent on anyone else for our happiness and fulfillment. That doesn’t mean you won’t need other people in your life. Most of us need supportive and loving relationships. It’s part of human nature. But it does mean that when people disappoint you, relationships fall apart, or hard times hit, you and I will still have our strengths to help get us through.
Again, I am the poster child for this truth. The gift of music has given me the strength to survive and thrive despite some terrible mistakes and huge challenges. I’m not being a drama king when I say it’s saved my life. I began performing with Backstreet before I hit my teens. I had some talent, but I was also very young and immature to be stepping out of a Tampa junior high school and into the life of an international pop star. I didn’t have the life skills to deal with the craziness that came with sudden fame, especially as I got older and fell into the same hard-partying lifestyle that my parents were into. But ultimately, focusing on my talents and being surrounded by others who took those same talents seriously helped me find my way back.
A GOOD GANG
Yes, I struggled at times and had some pretty awful episodes, but I managed to keep performing, thanks in large part to the positive and supportive members of my new musical family. One of the great rewards of building your life around your strengths and doing what you love is the friendships formed with those who share your passion. When I joined Backstreet Boys, I found myself in a new position in a new family. I was the eldest among the Carter kids but the youngest of the Backstreet Boys.
Admittedly, I was the problem child at times because of my immaturity, but I was very fortunate to join a band of brothers who stuck by me, encouraged me and cared about me. In many ways, they provided the sort of strong role models I’d never had. I’ve often wondered what my life would have been like if I hadn’t developed my singing to the level required to make it with the Backstreet Boys. It’s a little scary to think about that. Many of the kids I knew when we lived on 131st Street have had serious drug problems. Some went to prison. A few are no longer living.
Your environment can shape you. If you don’t decide what you want to do with your life and go after it, you’ll end up just taking what life gives you. I saw guys who didn’t have much family guidance join street gangs that preyed on their weaknesses, including their lack of direction and support at home. Gang leaders are skilled at recruiting lost souls by promising to provide the family these kids lack. I could have ended up in a gang if my life had gone another way—if I hadn’t built upon my strengths.
My mom did push me to get voice and dance lessons, and though I often feel as if she was motivated to do that because she saw the potential for more income in it, I did become a successful performer, I did find and pursue my passion, and as a result, I did end up in an entirely different sort of gang. This one was made up of guys whose drive to build upon their strengths was just as strong, or even stronger than mine.
One of the most important things I’ve learned in my struggle to put my life on the right track and stay there is that you have to surround yourself with people who make you want to be better—especially people who are strong where you are weak.
I didn’t understand that for the longest time. Too often, I chose to hang out with people who shared my weaknesses. They didn’t make me better. They weren’t concerned about making themselves better either. They were out for the quick high, the cheap thrill, and the next party.
…YOU HAVE TO SURROUND YOURSELF WITH PEOPLE WHO MAKE YOU WANT TO BE BETTER.
Nobody made me run around with these negative influences. I chose to hang with them at times when I didn’t want to hear what more positive and helpful people, including the guys in my band, were telling me. There are rules of attraction in science and in life too. It’s a fact that when you have a negative attitude, you attract negative people, just as it is a fact that when you have a positive attitude, you attract positive people.
I’ve run with both crowds and there is no doubt
which one is best for my career, health and spirit. It’s interesting that whenever I focus on building my strengths, positive and encouraging people come into my life. When I fall to my weaknesses, the opposite is true.
So I encourage you to give serious thought to the sort of people you want to attract in your life. And remember, the people who are best for you may not always tell you what you want to hear, but you can count on them to tell you what you need to hear. I’ve always known that members of my surrogate family—the guys in Backstreet Boys—were there for me.
They aren’t perfect saints each and every day either, but in our first years together I remember thinking, “Wow, this is what it’s like to have a normal family and a normal situation.” I really came to value their friendship. They wanted me to succeed and for the most part, they really were great role models.
Sometimes, though, I tuned them out because I didn’t believe in myself as much as they believed in me. When BSB first formed, I grew tight with Howie Dorough right away. Even though he is seven years older than me, I hung out with him and his family a lot because Howie grew up in the Orlando area. His father, who was of Irish descent, was an Orlando police sergeant who trained police dogs and worked as a security guard to make extra money. His mother, who is of Puerto Rican descent, worked in a school cafeteria. Howie had three older sisters and an older brother, not to mention a bunch of cousins. I dated one of his nieces for a while and really got to know the whole family well.
My friendship with Howie had a positive impact on me early on. Like my own family, the Doroughs didn’t have a whole lot of money, but the dynamics in their family were completely different. They were very loving toward each other. They really seemed to appreciate and care for one another. Hanging out with them, I could see where Howie got his personality. We called him Sweet D because he has this benevolence about him—a genuine, kindhearted nature.
Howie always tried to guide me and so did Brian Littrell, who, despite being five years older than me, has always been very much the old soul of our group. As a kid Brian had a lot of health problems, including a hole in his heart and a life-threatening bacterial infection. He’s mature and calm, which I think is due in part to dealing with such serious health problems and also due in part to his deep religious faith. I roomed with Brian often when the group traveled in the early years. He and Howie were both like older brothers or even parents to me in those days.
Brian reminded me while we were recording in London in 2012 that my parents made him my legal guardian on one of our first European tours when I was still a minor. They trusted Brian enough to put him in charge of my welfare in case something happened on the trip. I don’t think they ever told me about that, which is probably a good thing since as much as I respect Brian and felt that he was a positive role model, I never thought of him as a “father figure.”
What has consistently impressed me about Brian, though, is how his entire life is built upon his Christian faith. Everything he does is guided by his spiritual beliefs. I believe in God too, but I haven’t become a Christian like him. I’d never known anyone with such a strong spiritual foundation. We’ve had many discussions about religion and faith and I’ve learned a lot from him. We all have our own beliefs and interpretation of God; who is to say whether one is right or better than the others? I love science, for instance, and believe that there are scientific explanations for everything. I say count me in with Katy Perry and Megan Fox, who, like me, admit to being intrigued by the ideas raised in the History Channel show Ancient Aliens. I joke that the show’s stories about contact between humans and ancient extraterrestrial astronauts reportedly found in historical texts, archeology and legend helps explain my own theories of religion.
Many people are afraid to talk about their faith and spirituality if they don’t belong to a particular church. And some who are affiliated with a particular church are not always open to others who don’t belong to that same faith. All I can say is that Brian and Kevin Richardson taught me a lot about the value of having faith to guide you and keep you on track. I’ve often wished that I had their strength in that regard, but I just didn’t have the spiritual background they received while growing up in church-going families.
Kevin is nine years older than me, and during the first few years in the band I found him a little intimidating. I often thought of him as this big eagle looking down on me. He’s very disciplined and tough-minded. Kevin was captain of his high school football team and has sort of a drill-sergeant mentality, which is good in some ways, but I didn’t always respond very well to his methods. He’s mellowed a lot over the years, of course, and I’ve also changed and grown.
I used to feel scrutinized by him, but eventually I came to realize that Kevin had my best interests at heart. As I’ll talk about later in this book, he’s done some things that have really helped me turn my life around. I also appreciate the fact that Kevin is always working to expand his knowledge through reading and exposing himself to new subjects and ideas. I’ve tried to do the same and we’ve had many good discussions, especially about health and nutrition.
The other member of our group, A.J. McLean, is just two years older than me. A.J. is from a background more like mine than the other guys. His parents divorced when he was four years old. His single mother raised him. He is a very creative and independent guy with a unique perspective on things.
A.J. has had issues with drugs and alcohol, like me. Kevin stepped up in a big way to help him too, leading an intervention to get A.J. into rehab and Alcoholics Anonymous. Watching A.J. go through that experience and come out of it helped me to understand the benefits of getting professional help. His example also taught me that people can make mistakes and correct their lives, but it takes a lot of work to get back on track.
The five of us may come from varied backgrounds, but we all share a love of music and a dedication to being the best we can be for ourselves and for each other. My point in telling you about my fellow band members and our relationships is that when you identify your strengths and then work to develop those talents and gifts, you attract people with similar goals and aspirations. And that’s a very good thing.
THEY WILL INVEST IN YOU WHEN THEY SEE YOU INVESTING IN YOURSELF.
It has occurred to me that most of the positive and supportive people I know are those I’ve met through music. It’s a very rare thing in this life to meet even just one or two people who truly want you to succeed. You’ll find it’s even rarer to find some willing to step up, tell you that you are headed in the wrong direction, and help steer you back. I’ve been blessed with more of those caring and trustworthy friends than I probably deserve.
The secret to attracting positive and supportive people into your life is simple: They will invest in you when they see you investing in yourself. When you work to build your strengths, you will be amazed at how many people start pulling for you, too. I know because, as I will relate in the coming chapters, I’ve experienced it time and again myself.
PERSONAL NOTES
CHAPTER FOUR
DRIVING BLIND
ON MY 21ST birthday, Kevin Richardson gave me a gift that I didn’t appreciate until more than three years later. When my oldest Backstreet brother handed me the present, I scanned the title and realized it was one of the self-help books I’d seen him reading and talking a lot about. I decided immediately that the contents didn’t apply to me.
I took the gift home and stuck it on a shelf with a bunch of others I hadn’t yet read. I wasn’t much into reading or self-help back then. I was cruising along at high speed, enjoying the lifestyle that came with being a Backstreet Boy and selling millions of records. Those first eight years were amazing.
THOSE FIRST EIGHT YEARS WERE AMAZING.
But the other members of the group were older and seemed to be settling down. In fact, a couple of the guys were talking about getting married and starting families. Not me. I’d just hit legal drinking age and figured it was my time to party. I also was enjoying
being single for the first time in three years. I’d been dating another singer from the Tampa area, Amanda Williford, whose performing name was Willa Ford, but we broke up in late 2000. I figured since I’d reached the age when most guys were in college, drinking, partying and chasing women, that having that kind of fun should be my mission too.
I didn’t want to stop and think about where I was headed. I just wanted to enjoy the moment and live life as much as possible.
When Kevin gave me that birthday gift in January 2001, we were on our Black & Blue Tour, promoting our fourth album, which like our third had sold more than a million copies in its first week—a record for back-to-back albums. We’d just done a huge concert in Atlanta and were headed to Philadelphia for the next tour date. But first we made a little birthday stop in my hometown.
We celebrated my big day by singing the national anthem at Raymond James Stadium for the pre-game ceremony at Super Bowl XXXV. It was extra special because my favorite quarterback Trent Dilfer, a good friend who used to play for Tampa Bay, was playing for the Baltimore Ravens (and they beat the New York Giants in the game!).
More than 71,000 fans packed the stands and another 84 million watched on television. That wasn’t a bad way to kick off what proved to be a great year for our group. We spent 11 months of 2001 touring the United States, Canada, South America and Japan. The Black & Blue Tour grossed $100 million worldwide, so things were going well financially, too.
We also felt good about our future because we’d ended our contract with Lou Pearlman, who’d been taking a double helping of our earnings. Our contract paid him once as our manager and again as the “sixth member” of our group. We’d been grateful for all “Big Poppa” had done early on to help the band get started and to build our fan base. Over time, though, we all came to see that Pearlman was not the benevolent father figure he’d appeared to be when we first signed our management agreement with him.